submitted by Deacon Jim Krupka
I lifted this title from Pope Francis’ writings On Love in the Family. He uses those words to lead into a commentary on the part of St. Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians describing love in almost musical terms (1 Cor 13:4-7). This is a well-known passage describing the features of true love. The words begin with “Love is patient, love is kind.” This is a powerful and challenging passage. Patience is unique in a world where things happen faster and faster, and kindness seems out of fashion. Being patient does not mean that we are the world’s “whipping boys” who always take what others dish out. Neither does it mean tolerating mistreatment or injustice. What it does mean is that we control our inclination for impulsive anger. We manage our impulses in a way that gives love a chance rather than closing the door. We pattern ourselves after God by being “slow to anger” (Ex 34:6). Patience moves us to a place where reconciliation and healing are possible. It opens us up to be merciful.
Virtuous patience is critical in families. Families are a place where we are most exposed. We know each other’s hot buttons. Since we know each other so well, there are no secrets. It is a place where we can rightfully expect things to go our way in an otherwise messy world. Yet things don’t always go our way. When that happens, impatience can explode. Our impulses let loose. This brings the opposite of kindness in the form of hurt.
There are many causes of stress within a family. Our Christian toolbox gives us something to realize the difference between stress-induced hurt and the warmth of love. At the top of that box is patience. Patience gives us a chance to see that we are not the only ones in the house or world. We accept others as we take time to see where they are. This time under the flag of patience, lets us be merciful and forgiving. It gives others the chance to do the same for us. Sometimes it is just giving each of us a chance to see each other as we are with everything that is part of us. In this, we discover kindness. It seems like no wonder that St. Paul led off his description of love by giving it the attributes of patience and kindness. Try it. You’ll like it.